


We'll Give the World to You

by Lazhuli



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazhuli/pseuds/Lazhuli
Summary: Grizz has been keeping secrets for so many years. He had plans to move away and start fresh in a place where he didn't need to fear being who he really was. The Universe had so many other plans for him. AU where the coup is resolved swiftly, because let's be honest none of those three can actually run a town. Being an AU this story is NOT canon-compliant in many ways.
Relationships: Sam Eliot/Gareth "Grizz" Visser
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Trans Grizz mpreg fic that literally nobody was asking for but you’re getting anyway. Why? Because I wanted to and literally nothing was stopping me. How realistic is this scenario?? No more unrealistic than a convoy of school buses driving into a new dimension. So here we are…

Grizz groaned as he flicked on the bathroom lights. He had drank way too much last night, partying with his friends and zero adults to wonder where he was or catch him stumbling in at the break of dawn. But no matter how badly his head was throbbing it was still seven AM, and the calendar hanging above his desk still had a little red sticker next to the date. Injection day didn’t wait just because the world might be ending.

Over the last two years this had become a sacred ritual for Grizz, a moment of meditation on himself, his identity. He wiped the small nightstand in his room with disinfectant carefully before laying out the alcohol pads, Band-Aid, needle and syringe, and the tiny vial of precious serum. He was almost at the bottom of the bottle, a thought which caused his pulse to quicken. Of course, he knew there had to be more in the pharmacy. At the minimum his next prescription should be there, waiting for him to come and pick it up, and testosterone treatments were used for many things other than transitioning. He’d find enough to get him through the next few months at least. Hopefully the nightmare would be over by then.

With shaking hands he wiped the top of the bottle with one alcohol pad and then carefully uncapped the needle. His hands were shaking as he drew the dose into the syringe. 

“Damn.” Grizz laughed to himself as he saw it, he hadn’t been this nervous to do an injection since the first time, under his mother’s careful supervision. “Get it together.” He told himself as he recapped the needle.

“Relax, Grizz.” He let out a shaky breath before reaching for the second alcohol pad. “You do this twice a month for the last two years, that’s almost one-hundred injections.”

He threw the wipe into the small trashcan by his door while he waited for the alcohol on his thigh to dry, the reached for the needle. Uncapping it, he lined it up to the place he wanted to inject and quickly pushed it in. Slow and steady had never been his style, just take the plunge and get it done. It pained him that actually injecting the serum took so long, but it was thick and sore if you tried to go to fast. When the plunger on the syringe could go no further he gave it one hard push to cause the needle to retract, wincing at the sharp tug on his thigh. 

“Forgot your sharps container.” He mumbled. He sat the needle down in the nightstand long enough to place the Band-Aid on his thigh. “You’re slipping.” He got up and grabbed the bag he had packed for the camping-trip-that-never-was. 

“Grizz!” Someone slammed open his front door as he fished out the bright red container. He felt a vague thankfulness that he hadn't had to end up injecting in the bathroom of a some old camp cabin.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Grizz jammed the needle into the container and rushed back to his room as an army of footsteps clambered up the stairs.

“Grizz, man, where are you?” He heard Luke’s voice calling for him as he desperately grabbed up the trash in one hand and the vial of testosterone in the other, shoving all of it into a desk drawer.

“Just a second!” He shouted back as he pulled on a pair of shorts from the floor. Of course, his friends had zero respect for privacy and just as he was buttoning his shorts Luke, Harry and Clark burst into his room.

“Dude! What is I was naked?” Grizz protested, reaching for an elastic hair tie.

“Okay, well you weren’t man.” Harry rolled his eyes. “C’mon, we’re going to Greenwich to get some help.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s…that’s a good plan.” Grizz gathered his hair into a loose ponytail on top of his head.

“It’s Cassandra’s plan.” Luke clarified, earning him some side-eye from Harry. Grizz let out a small chuckle of laughter as he pulled on a button down over his t-shirt.

“Cassandra….” He shook his head, pulling a pair of sneakers out of the closet.

“What about her?” Luke’s mouth tugged up into a smile.

“Nothing.” Grizz shrugged, bending over to tie his laces.

“Aww, Grizzy has a crush.” Teased Clark.

“I didn’t say that.” He protested wearily, he wasn’t in the mood for their crap today. Pretending to be cis and straight took a lot more energy than he could muster right now.

“It’s okay man, I saw you looking at her after the play.” Luke told him. “She’s smart and pretty. You guys would be good together.”

“Gag me.” Complained Harry.

“Agreed.” Said Grizz, raising his eyebrows. “Are we going to Greenwich or what?”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here….this place is really starting to creep me out.” Luke complained.

“Same, let’s go.” Grizz grabbed his phone and gestured towards the door.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Harry clapped his hands together before heading out the door.

“Please.” Grizz whispered, watching the others file out of his room.


	2. Chapter 2

_6 months later…….Thanksgiving Day_

“How do you say, ‘Kiss me’?” He asked in a small voice, afraid to look up and meet Sam’s beautiful eyes. There was a long moment where Sam did nothing but gaze at him with a little smirk. Then he was leaning into him, kissing him softly, then with a heat that Grizz had never felt before.

“Oh, Jesus.” Grizz breathed. Sam’s hands were on his thigh, his waist, his face….back to his waist…his hair, oh God, they felt so good in his hair. His own hands clutched at the sides of Sam’s shirt, he felt as if he might float away if he didn’t hang on for dear life. This was everything he’d wanted for so long. His head rushed as Sam twisted his fingers into the locks at the back of his head, holding him still to deepen the kiss. The other hand made its way back to Grizz’s thigh, slipping upwards towards his hip and then in towards….. _shit, towards something that wasn’t going to be there._

“Stop!” Grizz reached down and grabbed Sam’s hand before he could discover that what he was looking for wasn’t there.

“Sorry…I thought….I thought you wanted this.” Sam explained, dragging his closed fist in slow circles over his chest in the sign for “sorry”.

“No, I did…I do.” Grizz stammered. “I just don’t want you to….” He tripped over his own words, too stunned with the situation to keep his head straight. He’d made out with girls before, pleasured them, he’d even let his friends think that he’d gone all the way with a few. But, this was different, this was _Sam_ in his bed.

“We don’t have to do this, if you don’t want.” Sam assured him.

“I do.” Grizz groaned. He dropped his head into his hands before remembering that Sam needed to see his lips to know what he was saying. “I want this so fucking bad.”

“Then why?” Sam questioned.

“I just…” Grizz desperately tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t make him look like a complete fool in front of the boy he’d wanted for years. “I just really want to make you feel good.” That wasn’t really a lie.

“Oh yeah?” Sam gave him that little smirk again.

“Yeah.” Grizz smiled back, settling into the half-truth. “I want this to be about you, don’t worry about me. Just let me do this…” He leaned back into the shorter boy and kissed his neck, right over his pulse.

“Wow.” Sam breathed as Grizz’s hands slipped towards the waistband of his jeans.

“Have you ever….done anything like this before?” Grizz asked as he undid Sam’s button and zipper.

“No, never.” Sam gasped as the taller boy slipped his hand into his boxers.

“With a beautiful body like this? Incredible.” He said, He was shifting in to confidence now, he knew this game, had played it with many girls to keep his secret and his persona. Grizz became powerful as he pushed Sam back onto the bed, lifted his hips with one calloused hand and dragged his jeans down with other.

Sam gasped, reaching down to pull his pants the rest of the way off, throwing them to the floor. Grizz leaned back on his heels to pull off his own shirt, thanking every god he could name that a combination of puberty blockers, testosterone and genetics had kept from ever really having breasts. Being able to take his shirt off without arousing suspicion added a lot to the illusion, especially at times like this. He just needed to keep Sam too occupied and overwhelmed to worry about what was, or rather wasn’t, underneath his sweats.

“I want you to feel good too.” Sam panted as Grizz’s hands raked over his hips and chest.

“Trust me.” Grizz leaned down to kiss Sam’s shoulder. “Seeing you enjoy this is all I need.”

_Four Hours Later_

“Did you ever notice me…before?” Sam asked, signing the words against Grizz’s bare chest as the cuddled on the bed.

“Of course!” Grizz laughed. “That’s why I stayed away.”

“Why?” Same gave him a playful smack.

“Because I was too caught up in being straight.” He admitted.

“You were very convincing.” Sam assured him.

“Yeah, well, not to my mom. She noticed early.” Grizz told him. It was true too, his mom had noticed very young that he wasn’t like other children. That he wasn’t Amelia Grace Visser and never would be. “I really loved tap dancing, so she signed me up for PeeWee football.” It still wasn’t a lie, he did like tap dance and his mom had switched him to football. He just didn’t mention that it was because she thought starting over with new friends would make his social transition easier than trying to explain why he was cutting his hair, changing his name, the way he dressed….everything….to a bunch of seven year olds. This story was one of many childhood memories he had altered to support the masquerade that he was cis-gender.

“She thought she was making your life easier.” Sam consoled. It caused a pang of guilt to shoot through Grizz’s chest. He didn’t want Sam to think badly of his mother, she really was amazing. She’d been remarkably supportive of him while he transitioned….even if a lot of their relationship had unraveled when he told her he was gay. She just couldn’t understand how he could spend so much of his life in pursuit of his transition, only to discover he liked men. She had spent a lot of time after that questioning his gender identity. But, Grizz had to admit he’d felt the same doubts at first. Over time, he’d learned that sexuality and gender were combined in a seemingly infinite number of ways….but it had remained difficult for his mom to accept.

“Yeah, somewhere there’s a picture of me in that tap class with a feather boa.” He tried to steer the conversation away from the topic.

“I need to see that picture.” Sam laughed. Grizz laughed along too, silently reminding himself to find that photo album and hide it away…or maybe just burn it. The pink one full of pictures his mother tried to pretend she hadn’t kept after he’d asked her to take them down from around the house. Sam would never see that photo.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter that follows through the end of season 1. After this we'll start getting to some of the good stuff, just needed to establish a timeline and a few other things before we dove into the plot.

Those first steps out of the woods were joyous, an absolute rush of energy as they jockeyed to be the first one out of the trees and into the street. To be the first one to tell the town that they had found the little patch of ground that would be their salvation. Knowing how everything else in his life had worked out, maybe Grizz shouldn’t have been so optimistic.

“Where are they?” Bean half-whispered as they walked down an empty side street. “Nobody’s answering my texts.”

“There should be people around, a lot of the houses on this street have people living in them.” Gwen wrapped her arms around herself anxiously.

“Let’s get to the church.” Grizz told them. “There’s always somebody there.”

In retrospect, maybe he should’ve anticipated that the high-stakes version of a student council election wouldn’t go very well. After all, they hadn’t even been able to get through that without a smear campaign and a couple of candidates cars getting egged. A coup was really always a distinct possibility. That didn’t prepare Grizz for the mob…He had discovered over the last six months that he was much more of a pacifist than he’d thought.

“Did you find land, Grizz?” He heard Allie shouting to him over the ringing in his ears as they pushed their way to the front of the crowd. He just knew this couldn’t be real…he was still in his tent, lying next to Gwen having a nightmare. He had to be.

“Yeah Allie, we found land to farm….and animals, and fish….Why is she bleeding?” He closed in on Luke, his blood boiling as they took in the scene before them.

“A lot happened while you were gone. You’ll find out later.” Luke promised him.

On the steps of the library, Lexie gave what he assumed was supposed to be a reassuring little speech. Grizz couldn’t even hear most of it over his rising anger. He watched in a helpless confusion as they dragged Will and Allie away.

“What is this?” He demanded of Lexie as she moved to follow.

“Allie and Will have been arrested for trying to steal the election. They were going to declare her the winner no matter what.” Lexie spat. “The whole thing was a sham.”

“What! No, I don’t believe that.” Grizz took a step forwards. “That makes no sense. If Allie wanted to keep power all she had to do was keep it. Nobody forced her to have an election.”

“Well, believe it.” Lexie sneered. “Harry and I are in charge now.” She began to stride away from him. “Oh, and Grizz? We’re going to be needing a debrief on this land you found.”

“Oh shit.” Grizz breathed. “Shit.”

“It’s insane, isn’t it?” Kelly had appeared at his elbow.

“Yeah..how did this. I mean, what happened?” Grizz ran his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know. Everything just kinda…exploded all of sudden.” Kelly shook her head. “But, I have to get back to the hospital.”

“Is someone sick?” Grizz turned to her with concern. The last thing they needed right now was a repeat of Thanksgiving.

“No, Becca had the baby really early this morning.” Kelly smiled. “A little girl.”

“Oh yeah?” Grizz said, a little breathless.

“Yeah.” Kelly beamed. “She’s beautiful, she’s got Sam’s eyes.”

“Oh.” Grizz stared down at his shoes so Kelly wouldn’t see the glassy tears forming in his eyes.

“You should come see her!” Kelly reached out to take his arm.

“Oh, I don’t think…” Grizz started to refuse.

“Come on! I know you’re friends with Sam and they would really love it. They’re excited for people to see her. Besides, after everything that just happened, I think we could all use something good for our souls.”

“Babies are good for the soul?” He gave a small huff of laughter.

“Very.” She gripped the sleeve of his jacket insistently.

“Uh, alright.”

Kelly-1 Grizz-0


	4. Chapter 4

Grizz took a breath to steady himself as they entered the hospital. He could hear Becca talking softly as they made their way down the hall and around the corner. He lagged behind Kelly as she rushed over to check on her two patients, dropping his pack to the floor.

Becca was sitting propped up on the bed as Sam held the baby nearby. As Sam held _his_ baby. Grizz felt sick as he watched him pace the floor with the tiny bundle. He was signing to her, reaching for her tiny hands with one of his large ones, manipulating the itty-bitty fingers delicately. _He’s teaching her to sign,_ Grizz realized.

“Wow.” He whispered. Of course, he’d thought about this in a hypothetical sense….Sam having a baby. It had become something just short of an obsession over the last couple of weeks. It still hadn’t prepared him for the reality of seeing Sam staring at his baby so intently, so blissfully, so in love.

“Grizz!” Becca called to him. “You’re back.”

“Yeah, we got back about an hour ago. We found land.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“That’s amazing.” She beamed at him. She reached out to wave her hand in Sam’s peripheral vision. He looked up with a start, too enveloped in the little bundle to even realize Kelly and Grizz had entered. “Grizz found land.” Becca signed as she spoke.

_Great._ He signed back to her before looking over at Grizz and smiling widely. He walked over, still cradling the blanket-wrapped infant in his arms.

“Hi.” Grizz laughed nervously.

“Hi.” Sam said back. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I can’t believe there’s a baby.” Grizz shook his head. “I mean, I knew there would be a baby, I saw Becca’s bump….it’s just….”

“Surreal?” Sam supplied.

“Yeah.” Grizz nodded. He peered into Sam’s arms to take his first good look at the smallest resident of New Ham. She was awake, staring intently at the ceiling with wide blue eyes. Her mouth was the shape of a tiny pink heart, one impossibly small hand on her cheek. _Beautiful_ , he signed to Sam.

“She’s incredible.” Sam agreed. “And Becca was so strong.”

“So she’s..she’s doing good?” Grizz asked, glancing away to hide his hurt expression.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Oh…I don’t know. I’ve never held a baby before.” He backed up a little, hands out in a stop gesture.

“Aww, Grizz!” Becca called over to him. “You should hold her.”

“I’ve been sleeping in the woods.” Grizz protested. “I probably shouldn’t put my hands on your baby.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Kelly shook her head and laughed. “There’ll be plenty of time for that once you clean up.”

“Yeah, I’m going to go back to the house right now and shower….and then I guess I’ll try to figure out what’s going on.” Grizz blew out a long breath.

“What do you mean?” Becca glanced from him to Kelly and back again. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, there’s just some election stuff that needs to be figured out.” Kelly said in a rush, a big smile plastered onto her face. Grizz shot her a look, furrowing his brow. She widened her eyes in a ‘what?’ gesture. “Sam, I’ll stay here with Becca if you want to go get a shower and some clean clothes for her.”

“That’s a good idea.” Becca signed as she spoke. “You should also stop by that kid’s store on 8th and get some baby clothes.”

“You don’t already have baby clothes?” Kelly asked in a near deadpan.

“Okay, well clearly we’re not the best at planning.” Becca retorted. “We also kinda need a crib.”

“Grizz and will get stuff together.” Sam promised her. He turned back to the taller man. “Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Grizz nodded too enthusiastically. “We’ll take care of it.”

Sam nodded, then walked over to slip the baby into Becca’s arms.

“I’ll stay here until you get back.” Kelly promised him.

_Thank you_ , Sam signed back to her. He looked over at Grizz. “Let’s go.”

“Yeah, let me just grab my stuff.” Grizz reached down to gather his pack at the same moment that Sam decided to help him. Their hands met over the strap of his backpack and, for a brief moment, Grizz contemplated when his life had become a sappy teen romance movie. “Oh…okay.” He stammered. “I think we’re good. Ladies, see you later. Becca, congratulations.” He waved to the two girls as he hastily backed towards the exit, Sam laughing silently as he followed behind.


	5. Chapter 5

“God, I’m so glad you’re here.” Sam told him as soon as they exited the hospital. He pushed Grizz around a corner into the space between two buildings, unseen from the street, and kissed him hard.

“Oh, Sam.” Grizz broke the kiss to press his forehead to the crown of Sam’s dark red hair. He drew in a deep breath before pulling back so Sam could see his face. “We can’t do this right now.”

“Don’t worry, we aren’t going to have crazy sex in the alley or anything.” Sam laughed. He stood on tiptoe to reach in for another kiss.

Grizz put his hands on Sam’s shoulders and pushed him away gently. “Becca just had your baby like twelve hours ago, I’m disgustingly dirty, and everything is wrong.”

“No.” Sam smiled widely. “I finally feel like everything is right.”

“It’s not.” Grizz’s vision blurred with tears.

“What is it?” Sam’s face filled with worry.

“I don’t even know.” Grizz grabbed a handful of his own dark hair. “I guess there was some kind of…I don’t know…a coup last night? Allie and Will were arrested.”

“Arrested?” Sam repeated.

“What are we going to do?” Grizz asked, he dropped his head into his hands to hide his face. Sam reached out to pry his fingers away from his moist eyes.

“I don’t know.” Sam was signing now as he spoke. “I don’t know. But first, Eden needs things. That we can do.”

“Who’s Eden?” Grizz sniffed.

“Oh.” Sam blushed. “That’s what we named her.”

“That’s…that’s a beautiful name. It’s very…fitting.” Grizz smiled to himself.

“We thought so.” Sam nodded. “And she needs a crib, so if that’s not too weird…?”

“It’s really weird.” Grizz assured him. “I never thought I’d be going with my boyfriend to shop for a crib for the baby he had with his best friend.”

“It’s really more like crib stealing.” Sam didn’t laugh out loud, but Grizz could still see it in his face and in his eyes. God, he loved those eyes.

“Alright, let’s…let’s go. This could take a while.” Try as he might to still be angry with Sam, following the initial shock he found he just couldn’t muster that rage anymore. He was too close to everything he wanted to retreat back into fear. So, sure, baby shopping for his boyfriend’s baby with his best friend? That would work, Grizz could make it work.

They decided to make their way downtown first, to pick up some clothes and scope out where to get the larger items, before heading to the Pressman’s house to clean up. They didn’t hold hands, Grizz wasn’t even a little bit ready for that, but they walked so closely side by side that they bumped into each other as they walked, shoulders, hips, and hands having brief meetings. It was a poor imitation of intimacy but the closest that Grizz was willing to get considering that they were walking down the main drag of New Ham.

“My mom loved this place.” Sam broke their uneasy silence as he gestured at a small Italian restaurant to their right.

“Really? My mom too….She and dad would always go there for dates. Then they’d go over there.” He pointed across the street to an ice cream shop. “And split a sundae.” He smiled at the memory. “They’d bring me too, after a good game or one of those cheesy elementary award ceremonies.”

“That sounds nice.” Sam made a humming noise deep in his throat. “I miss the little things. I never thought I would…when I went to college…I thought I’d be happy to not have her fussing over my clothes, fixing my hair, all that stuff. But now, I really miss it.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Grizz smiled to himself. “I would never sit and eat breakfast, so my mom would make me these burritos to eat while I drove to school. I just took it for granted, you know? That one of those stupid burritos would always be waiting for me on the counter.”

“I always thought.” Sam started slowly. “That people were just being sentimental when they said it was little things that were most important. I think now they’re right.”

“No act of love, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Grizz said. “That one’s Aesop.” _A-e-s-o-p,_ he signed slowly.

“Do you have one of those for everything?” Sam teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know.” Grizz laughed. “Maybe…I don’t know. Hey that’s, uh, that looks cute.” Grizz pointed to a store window ahead of them. In it hung three little dresses, all a bright yellow flowery pattern in different sizes.

“Yeah, it is.” Sam moved ahead of Grizz to try the door of the shop. It was unlocked, just as they had found most of the stores to be when they had come to New Ham. He motioned for Grizz to go first before following him inside. It was a little boutique clothing store that neither boy had ever really noticed before. The inside was decorated with in muted, pastel colors accented with a crisp, clean white. It was refreshing, very few things in New Ham could really be described as “clean” anymore.

“It’s winter, so we probably need to get the warmest stuff we can find.” Grizz walked behind the counter to get some plastic shopping bags.

“I wonder what size?” Sam picked up a onesie from a display and held it up for Grizz to see. “This one says 0-3 months, that should be it, right?”

“I don’t know, is there a, like, a size chart around here or something?” Grizz started looking through the catalog books at the front of the store. He waved a hand to get Sam’s attention. “Okay these say that there’s a newborn size too. Do you know how much she weighs?”

“Six pounds and ten ounces.” Sam rattled off proudly. “And she’s twenty inches exactly.”

“Okay, I take it Kelly found a scale.” Grizz laughed. “So it looks like we want newborn sizes.”

“She did…sorry, am I being too….”

“Too excited about the birth of your child?” Grizz smiled wryly. “No, you should be happy about this.”

“What do you think of this one?” Sam held up a onesie with a tutu skirt attached to it. “Becca would hate it.” He laughed.

“It looks like the kind of thing my mom would’ve made me wear.” Grizz mumbled, pulling out some shopping bags.

“Did your mom want a girl?” Sam questioned.

“I didn’t think you could see that.” Grizz sighed. “Uh, yeah. You could say that.”

“You’re being cryptic.” Sam gave him a sidelong stare.

“Nothing, just…my parents thought I was going to be a girl.” Grizz filed that under the category of a misleading truth. “But obviously I’m not, so…” He held out his hands in a ‘oh well’ gesture.

“Oh, I thought they were really accurate.” Sam’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I mean, with knowing the gender.”

“Yeah, well, everybody makes mistakes.” Grizz grabbed two soft blankets off a shelf and shoved them into the plastic bag. “Bottom line, I didn’t turn out to be what they thought I was going to be. It was the first time, but definitely not the last time that I turned out very different than they’d hoped.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, if Season 2 doesn't have at least one scene of Grizz awkwardly bonding with baby Eden I'm going to be severely disappointed.

“We can move it!” Bean practically roared at Gordie, gesturing emphatically for him to move out of the hallway.

“Well just let me help.” Gordie tried to grab an edge of the wooden dresser Gwen and Bean were attempting to relocate from the spare room to the basement.

“Grizz, they’re going to get hurt. Tell them they’re going to hurt themselves.” Gordie gestured towards him. Grizz, who was leaning against the wall watching the scene somewhat apathetically, just shook his head.

“I tried an hour ago man.” He threw a hand up in defeat. “I think the fact that they wrestled this far means they should get the glory of going all the way.”

“Thank you!” Gwen told him.

“What are you doing?” Sam emerged from a bedroom with a sleeping Eden nestled in the crook of one arm.

“Oh my God!” Bean complained. “We are trying to move this down to the basement so that Gwen and I can go down there and then Grizz is going to go in our room. Unfortunately, the peanut gallery is slowing this process down a lot.”

“You’re moving in?” Sam’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Yeah, I just think it’s a good idea for everybody to be together right now. At least until we know Allie and Will are safe and have a plan. Plus, staying with the Guard is not really an option anymore, so…” He shrugged. “I came over to help move stuff but these ladies are pretty determined.”

“Exactly.” Gwen told them. “And I will be damned is this dresser wins out over me, so please gentleman, get out of the way.” She and Bean gave the dresser another shove, causing it to wobble dangerously on the edge of the staircase. All three men rushed to help, but before Grizz could reach the dresser he suddenly found Eden shoved into his arms. Sam practically leapt forward and grabbed the bottom edge of the dresser before it could slide too far down the staircase.

Grizz looked down in shock at the three week old bundle in his arms. She was sleeping, swaddled tightly in a little pink blanket. Of course, he’d been around her nearly every day since her birth But, he’d never held her before, never been left alone with her. Seeing that everyone else was suddenly absorbed in the furniture moving he retreated back down the hall, looking for the bassinet that they moved around the house for her.

As he went, he noticed how comforting her weight seemed to be against his chest. Maybe this was why the girls fought over holding her and why Sam always seemed to crave holding her after a few hours apart.

“Maybe I don’t want to put you down.” He murmured, abandoning the search for the bassinet. Instead, he slipped into the study, a room that hardly saw use, and went over to the window seat. It was his secret and quiet spot in a house where that was hard to come by. Granted, usually when he came here he was trying to get away from all the cooing and fuss over the baby.

“Don’t take it personally.” He told her. “I tried really hard not like you. It didn’t really work out. You didn’t do anything except be born.” He drew his legs up into the window seat, sitting with his back to one of the book shelves. He moved slowly and awkwardly to move Eden’s head up onto his shoulder, one hand on her bottom, the other behind her head in an imitation of what he saw Sam do when he curled up with her on the couch. That was what passed for romance in the new world order, sitting six feet apart on a couch while your not-exactly-boyfriend rocked his sleeping baby. Plus, occasionally, when they lucked out and everyone fell asleep early there were some awkward make out sessions on the porch.

“I think I might be in love with your dad.” He whispered. “Is that weird? Of course it’s weird.” He shook his head. He’s really amazing, he loves you a lot and wants you to have an amazing life. He’s also weirdly funny and handsome. Very handsome.” Grizz emphasized. “I really want to be with him. But I don’t know how to talk with him about all the stuff that’s getting in the way of that.”

Against his chest, Eden began to wiggle and make soft noises. Her blue eyes blinked open lazily as she let out a little growl of discontentment.

“Yeah, I’m probably being stupid. Your dad’s going to understand. At least, I think he will. But, I’ve let it go on so long and didn’t say anything. What if he’s mad that I didn’t tell him that first night?”

Eden chose that moment to let out a proper wail, kicking her feet angrily inside the blanket. Grizz shifted a little bit to look down at the baby as she started squirming against him. One of her arms broke free of the swaddle and she used it to grab at his t-shirt before letting out another scream.

“Hey, chill little monster.” Grizz rocked side to side a little, patting her back as she cried.

“She’s probably hungry.”

Grizz looked up with a start, not having realized anybody entered the room.

“Sorry, I was in the shower. I’ve started appreciating them a lot more since I became a mom.” Becca laughed.

“You’re fine. Sam just went to help Bean and Gwen move some furniture so…” Grizz trailed off, unsure why he was trying to apologize. For the awkwardness maybe? Not that Becca even knew that he and Sam were…..whatever it was that they were.

“Here, I’ll take her. Um, if anybody needs me I’ll be upstairs nursing.” Becca blushed a little bit at that.

“Yeah, okay.” Grizz slipped the baby into her arms.

“Bye.” Becca offered a half wave as she retreated.

“Good talk, little monster.” Grizz smiled to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Grizz sipped his coffee slowly, watching Sam over the rim of the cup. He was microwaving a frozen breakfast burrito from a box they’d found in the recesses of Pressman’s deep freezer. He gave a small huff of laughter as he watched the redhead gaze longingly through the door of the microwave. Grizz had to admit he’d treated his own with similar enthusiasm earlier that morning. Dry cereal and oatmeal packets had become a standard in the cafeteria lately, making the frozen eggs and cheese a welcome change.

“It smells so good.” Sam told him as he pulled it from the microwave.

“I know.” Grizz agreed. “I think I took like thirty minutes to eat mine. I didn’t want to go too fast and not enjoy it.”

“Oh, God.” Sam practically moaned as he took his first bite.

“It’s good, right?” Grizz laughed.

“Amazing.” Sam’s eyes fluttered shut in appreciation. Grizz just watched for a minute, his heart beating louder in his chest as he thought about what he was about to do.

“Are you afraid of needles?” He asked softly when Sam opened his eyes again.

“Not really. Are you planning on stabbing me?” Sam smirked.

“No.” Grizz rolled his eyes with a laugh. “But, when you’re done eating I’d kind of like you to do something with me. Or just, I guess…come watch something. Something I need you to understand.”

“Okay.” Sam’s eyebrows drew together in confusion as he took his second bite. “And it involves needles?”

“Yeah.”

There was about a minute where Sam didn’t say anything. He just stared at Grizz, contemplating, as he took another bite out of his burrito.

“Grizz, are you using drugs?” Sam asked.

“Oh my God, no!” Grizz put his hands up in a wait gesture. “It’s not like that…I mean, technically it’s a drug. But it’s legal….I have a prescription.”

“For what?” Sam pressed. “Insulin?”

“No…it’s…it’s hard for me to explain. I just want to show you, okay? I think that would be easier.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam nodded. “Do you want to go now or…”

“No, no. Finish eating. I’ll be in my room, whenever you’re ready.” Grizz told him. He downed the last of his coffee, setting the mug in the sink and darting up the stairs before Sam could say anything else.

His whole body shook with nerves as he carefully prepared for his injection. He knew that at some point, and that point was probably coming very soon, the supply of testosterone was going to give out or expire. It was something he didn’t bother to think about anymore. He didn’t know any solution to that problem and worrying about it wouldn’t make one appear, so he’d just save it for the day it finally happened.

Just as he prepared to uncap the needle Sam slowly opened the door.

“Hey.” Grizz said. His throat suddenly felt so dry.

“Hey.” Sam slipped in the door and shut it quickly behind him, probably sensing that this wasn’t something Grizz wanted to broadcast to the entire household.

“Thank you for agreeing to this.” Grizz told him.

“Tell me what I agreed to before you thank me.” Sam laughed nervously.

“Fair enough.” Grizz let out a huff of laughter. “So, umm….basically, I give myself this injection every couple of weeks.” He picked up the box that the little vials of testosterone came in and handed it to Sam. Grizz caught himself biting his lip as he watched Sam read over the label, trying to make sense of what was going on.

“You’re taking steroids?” Sam questioned, putting down the box.

“Umm, no.” Grizz shook his head.

“What else is testosterone for?” Sam started in accusatorially. “Grizz, what’s going on here?”

“I wasn’t….I wasn’t born like this.” He ignored the tear that trailed down his cheek and continued, staring down at his own hands. “I was born…a girl…but I always knew I wasn’t really a girl and…” He broke off, feeling choked as tears poured hot and fast down his fast.

“You’re telling me what exactly?” Sam asked slowly.

“I’m transgender. I’m sorry I kept that from you. I shouldn’t have let things get physical without telling you.” Grizz felt himself starting to ramble. “And I’m sorry if you feel like I lied to you or tricked you. That’s not what I was trying to do, because I am a man. Mentally, and the way I’ve lived most of my life, I am a man. But I know I’m probably not what you want…”

Sam suddenly leaned in to grab Grizz’s face in his hands. He pressed a slow kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling away to look him the eyes.

“You are everything I want.” Sam told him. “Everything.”

“You aren’t upset?” Grizz sniffed.

“I’m surprised.” Sam admitted. “And I have questions. But you’re still the same to me. You’re still Grizz.”

“Thank you.” Grizz wiped at his eyes with the heel of one hand, the other still holding the capped needle and syringe.

“So this helps?” Sam tapped the syringe in Grizz’s hand.

“The testosterone? Yeah, that and puberty blockers helped a lot with the physical transition.” Grizz explained. He uncapped the needle and then reached out for the vial. As he began to fill the syringe he talked in attempt to dispel his lingering anxieties. “This stuff helped my voice drop, it allows me to grow body hair, makes me more muscular. I’ve been taking it for two and a half years now.”

“Well it definitely did its job.” Sam joked. “You’re an extremely handsome man.”

“Thank you.” Grizz leaned in for a quick kiss, then grabbed up an alcohol pad. “So I’m just going to clean off my leg and let it dry for a minute. Then I can inject.”

“Does it hurt?” Sam asked.

“A little bit. But it’s worth it.” He admitted. Grizz lined up the needle with the spot he wanted to inject and pushed the needle in with one fluid motion.

“Damn, you’re good at that.” Sam said. His eyes widened a little in surprise as Grizz slowly pushed in the serum.

“I’ve had a lot of practice at it.” Grizz winced as the needle retracted into the syringe. He capped it before dropping it into the bright red sharps container and putting a Band-Aid over the tiny dot of blood on his thigh.

“I’m sorry you felt so afraid to tell me.” Sam shook his head. “Is this why…”

“Is this why, what?” Grizz prompted.

“Is this why, whenever things get physical you don’t want me to touch you?” Sam blushed.

“I was afraid…of what you’d say…I didn’t want you to find out that way, about all the lies I told to keep everybody thinking I was just a normal guy.” Grizz admitted.

“Okay, you’re probably right.” Sam shook his head. “Not the best time to find that out. But can we talk about? Now that I know, can we talk about the sex?”

“You wanna have sex?” Grizz stared at the floor.

“Do you not?” Sam asked in a rush. “Because I’m not trying to say we should…”

“No!” Grizz put up a hand. “I mean, yes, I do want to. I just never thought….I guess I never imagined a version of this where somebody stayed after they knew the truth.”

“I’m staying.” Sam reached out to put a hand on his knee, fingers toying with the hem of his shorts.

“Can we talk about it some other time? This was a lot.” Grizz swallowed down the lump that was building back in his throat.

“Of course. Can we cuddle?” Sam grinned.

“I guess, but you’re kind of an addict. You know that right?” Grizz grabbed Sam’s wrists and pulled him along to the bed, flopping down onto his back with Sam on top of him.

“If I’m a cuddle addict then you’re an enabler.” Sam teased. He rolled onto his side next to Grizz, one arm stretched out across the other’s chest.

“Sam?” Grizz looked over at him.

“What?

“Are you really going to stay?”

“Obviously.”


End file.
